The World’s Gone Mad
This week, that encompassed both my 22nd birthday and the eleven year anniversary of 9/11, I am sure will go down in history. Though I do not think that the 49-6 victory of the mighty Gamecocks over UAB will be the reason, it could be argued that it was one of the craziest things that happened. At least in the eyes of two fresh faced diggers.
This may be hard to believe as there have been some huge world events this week. I hear you asking how can a College American football game be as crazy as multiple uprisings in the Arab world? Violent protests caused by a video that looks like a Monty Python’s remake of ‘Life of Brian’? The morning of the game I watched the awful news about the murdered US ambassador. I was fearful of yet another war when Digger walked in, “have you seen the news” I said?
He replied, “yeah I cant believe it! Why on earth would she’d sunbathe topless in the first place! She knows there’s paparazzi everywhere!”
Each day Fox News presenters seem to bark out more and more crazy news. Presenting each in the same way they present any story, as if it’s a baseball scandal, on the day of the World series, that they all need to shout about. In China there are massive anti Japan riots over an islands sovereignty, throughout the Arab world there are huge anti America riots and in Kew Gardens people are mourning the exposure of another fine pair of Royal Corgis. In Ohio some Amish people could face life imprisonment for the hate crime of cutting rivals hair! It couldn’t be written better that leader of this gang of Amish haircutting rogues is called Mr. Mullet! The world has gone mad, surely this football game cant be that mental you say. I say you obviously haven’t been to a college football game.
The pre-drinking for the game is called the ‘Tailgate’ and it happens in the car parks all around the stadium. Everyone’s trucks park up and swarms of garnet clad supporters, with red cups and beer funnels, light up barbeques and gorge themselves on chips and dips, a snack that rarely is given its deserved respect back home but is worshipped here. I read a story last week about a man in Blackpool who killed a man in a chip shop because they didn’t melt the cheese on his chips (French fries to people here). That man would definitely not be serving a lengthy prison sentence if he lived in America. In fact one could well face the opposite problem, its hard to get anything that is not covered in melted cheese! Its fair to say its not good cheese either, in fact its barely even recognizable as cheese. I mean, to say its worse than the cheese at a late night Blackpool chippy says something, but this stuff is so far from coming from a cow it might as well be an egg.
The game this weekend saw USC football rise to 7th in the national rankings. Everyone went mental! Well at least until midnight when they have to stop serving liquor cos of god and that. However this win was probably the best news in a week that, for a number of reasons, could see the start of WW3 which would almost certainly mean the end of the world. At least we saw Kate Middletons tits I guess.