The Eggplant Incident
Westy said ‘Eggplant’ yesterday. I said what have you got in the cupboard and he said, “oh nothing, just a few onions and an Eggplant.”
Maybe with hindsight I shouldn’t have reacted so harshly. He is dyslexic after all and relatively new to cooking, but he has just been pushing me and pushing me and I finally snapped. A few slips of the tongue I can understand. Soccer, though the word tastes wrong in your mouth, like sick brought up with a burp, is a necessary word for communication. You cant invite someone for a game of footy and have them turn up in massive pads, but he didn’t need to say ‘cleats’ for gods sake! It was only me in the room and he asked me if I was bringing my cleats. I bit my tongue, “yes I am going to bring my boots.”
He knew I had taken offense but he didn’t care and I half wondered if he was playing up to it. No one starts saying flashlight, garbage and seran wrap after just a month I thought! His Americanization has so quickly become so blatant. It wont be long until he’s walking around in socks and sandals, talking on his Cell phone and tucking polo shirts into hitched up ‘pants’. His fridge is already looking like a god awful homage to Soda Pop, the garish packaging of Cool Aid, Mountain Dew, Oreos and Mac and Cheese screaming, like a pair if bosom implants, “I’m Fake but you want me!”
Don’t get me wrong. We have met some great American people since being here and fitting in is far from a bad thing. But I remember the Digger that, on his second day here, naively walked in on a bible class thinking it was a pre-drinks. The Digger that laughed with me at the TV advert for ChristianMingle.com which boasts that, through the power of the internet, they will “find God’s match for you.” The Digger that spent an hour on skype to his parents working out the logistics of regularly posting Yorkshire Tea and at the American Football Game chanted “Yoooooorkshire! Yoooooorkshire!” That was the Digger I came to south Carolina with. Someone I could share the outsider experience with. Share the confusion for why girls here all just wear t-shirts every day, randomly adorned with some summer camp or their favorite Tae Kwon Do club in North Carolina. One girl walked around with “Get Your Flu Jab Today” garishly emblazoned on the back of her t-shirt. There wasn’t a stall in sight. She was just wearing it. Like it was cool.
This is the context for my reaction. My excuse I guess you could call it. For it was an overreaction to what was, at the end of the day, just using a different name for a fruit (though I bet he also thinks it is a vegetable). His statement, “Oh nothing, just a few onions and an Eggplant” almost certainly didn’t warrant my response and for that I have apologised. “Its called a fucking aubergine you wanker! Remember that word do you? Wanker? Because that’s what you are. A fucking Eggplant wanker.”