We are currently in New York City and yesterday there was a giant Santa themed bar crawl through town. It is named SantaCon and, though one Mr. Claus claimed it was in aid of the victims of Hurricane Sandy, we found out was happening in 37 countries and has in fact been going on for years. All across town there were thousands of drunken santas, systematically ruining Christmas for all the children in New York as they saw their symbol of Christmas cheer vomiting in bins or chanting obscenities on the underground.
“Mummy you promise he will be let out in time for Christmas?” one child was heard to remark as a protesting father Christmas was cuffed and forced into a police car.
SantaCon also happened to coincide with the penultimate day of Hanukkah which made for quite a spectacle as we searched for a bar in Brooklyn. At first it seemed we had stumbled upon the Hasidic Jews own annual bar crawl until they started asking if we were Jewish and offering us blessings. At one point it looked like a giant face off, one side of the road in black hats the other in red, one side with long white beards the other long black ones. Now I can see why they are banning saying ‘Happy Christmas’ in Schools and congress, officially replacing it with ‘Happy Holidays.’ We could have had a riot on our hands!