Giles Pickett’s Letters
I saw a toddler yesterday from behind, walking along in my estate in a big coat and hat, and I started thinking to myself that this toddler could actually just be an adult person, like a normal-sized woman or something, and that maybe my perspective was just wrong.
I mean why would a toddler be walking along, by itself, in an estate in Hackney on a Wednesday? Sure it was walking weirdly, like a toddler would, but some normal-sized adults walk weirdly, don’t they?
So anyway, then I see this cat walk over to the normal-sized woman/toddler and the cat was massive compared to it. And I thought then, this must just be an unaccompanied minor, just one of those unloved kids that you always hear about on tannoys at airports. But I thought to myself, this isn’t an airport, and what if I’m wrong?? What if this adult woman, who might well be slightly disabled, is about to get attacked by a giant wildcat? Well I wasn’t just going to stand around and watch that happen.
So I burst out of my house, wielding a broom handle that has been knocking about since last month when I broke our broom, and yelling at the top of my lungs, “Get away from her you giant cat!”
It was only when I got closer that I realized that it was in fact just the perspective thing and I had got it totally wrong. In fact the toddler wasn’t even unaccompanied as her father, who turned out to be a very well read and most understanding person, was in fact sitting on a bench not fifteen feet away.
Anyway, I’ve got rid of the broom handle now. Mike (the kids father) put it best I think when he said, “you’re not just gonna buy a new head for it, you’ll buy the whole new broom” and so that is what I am planning on doing tomorrow sometime. I’ll be sure to let you know how it goes.
Your loving son,
P.S. The photograph used is not of the actual toddler I saw, it is a stock image. Mike said he’d prefer if I didn’t take a photograph of his child and I didn’t want to know how he knew that there would be plenty online… if you catch my drift…