Colin, The Saddest Man in SC
The bald man that stood alone at the bar, moist eyes flicking desperately from group to group, had little to no idea that within the hour he would be the most popular man in the thirty yard radius. This was Colin, the saddest man in South Carolina.
Introducing yourself to anyone here is as easy as spelling the word ‘deceive’ once you are familiar with the old ‘i before e except after c rule’. A few choice words that accentuate the English accent and the response is the same: “oh my god you’re British!” But Colin was different. My “By jove old chap, a cleansing ale would certainly quench my thirst” was greeted with nothing but a blank gaze. I said, “oh my god I’m British!” but still nothing. It was then that I enquired on his melancholy and was told the saddest, most wretched tale since Kate Winslet let Leo sink to his death it what, over here, you have to explain was a film that was actually based on a real event.
Colin had come down to Columbia to plan his wedding with his fiancé only to be dumped. Heartbroken he had stumbled down to the bar, met the diggers, been persuaded that buying two rounds of eighty shots was the only cure for his situation, been toasted by the whole bar, professed his love to an international student, touched her inappropriately and been put in a cab home. Colin’s rise and fall from sadness and grace was complete and oh my god were we still British.